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When I was young I remember going to the zoo. I would visit the great ape house and sit for a long time in front of a beautiful silver back gorilla. He was all alone in a concrete cell with a tire on a rope, a large ball, and a tiny window way up high. Every time I visited he seemed to be sitting in the same position, never looking around, as if he had been stuffed. But I could see his chest moving up and down as he breathed. 

I wanted more than anything for him to look up so I could let him know he was not alone, that someone cared. He never did and to this day, so many years later, I still remember thinking what it must have felt like to be locked in a cell alone instead of being free to be the magnificent creature he was born to be. I felt his pain and wanted to take it away. Seeing myself in him and him in me is why I have a deep appreciation and respect for all that is alive. 

We are life as all other animals are life. It is spiritually responsible to protect, nurture, respect, and treat all life with compassion and kindness.

Yesterday my partner and I went to Barnes and Nobel’s bookstore at the Grove here in Los Angeles.  We stood in front of the Self-help section for a long time looking at the different books. We watched people pick through the selves. For a brief moment my heart sank as I tried to wrap my mind around, ‘How people will find my little book among the 100s of others? Why in the world would Barnes and Nobel want to put my picture on a big banner announcing an upcoming book signing?’ A split second after I felt those twinges of fear and doubt I felt peaceful and calm. I remembered the truth that I am not in control. 

You see the only part of this process I was ever in control of was writing. For almost two years I sat down each day and put my heart on paper. But it was not me that got the big named endorsements.  Yes I wrote to them asking for their support but it was the power I call God that touched the heart of those ‘famous’ people. I did not know how to get a publisher. I just knew I wanted to go the traditional publishing route. So God led me to the right publisher. 

It is so easy to look back and see all the doors that are opening to help create the huge dream I have. I feel at peace when I remember that the only power I have is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. My job is to do the work and continue to have faith in that immense power who works on my behalf. There was never any reason for fear because no matter how many books are on the self my little book will be found by those who are meant to find it. 

You are not alone in the dreams you have for yourself.  Your job is to dream BIG, do the hard work, and don’t give up. Then the magnificent, creative and loving power will align with your heart and open every door that you need opened. It will also close those that need closing. Your job is to have faith in the process. You don’t have to know how your dream will come true. You just have to believe with all your heart that it will.

There is a crow on our street with a missing wing. It was hit by a car and its wing was torn off. It has been in the neighborhood for about four months unable to fly. Animal control cannot catch it. While it seems to be doing okay on its own I do offer a helping hand. 

Twice a day I look for it and we do the same dance. I go down with bits of crow-healthy food, deposit them on the ground. It runs away then returns to gobble up what I have left. 

I feel blessed to have established a relationship with my new crow friend. It is life as I am life. I respect and honor its right to live. I think it appreciates me too.

For many years I thought the odds were stacked against me.  Other people were happy but that was just not my life. I kept telling myself someone else is responsible for my happiness, I can’t do it, I’m not worthy, and that my unhappiness is part of my culture and just who I am. 

One day I realized each of these thoughts was a big fat lie. That day I began freeing myself from a life of shallow pursuits, irresponsibility and dissatisfaction.  I did so by accepting that the limiting thoughts I was allowing to stop me were in fact just the lies and justifications of fear. 

Courageously challenge your limiting, judgmental, fearful and negative thoughts.  Think about what you think and you will find that you, other people and our world are more positive, peaceful and powerful than your thoughts have led you to believe.

Yesterday my almost 90 year old father decided to remove some roots from his front yard. He went out with axe and began chopping. He worked hard all morning had a light lunch and a short rest. Then he went outside and began chopping again. After about an hour in almost 100 degree Texas heat, exhausted and dehydrated, he got very dizzy and almost fainted.  He staggered to a nearby tree and leaned against it. That is where Jonathon Keller found my dad.  He is a young man who just happened to be driving by. 

My dad went inside while Jonathon finished chopping all the roots. My father did not ask him too, he volunteered. And when he was finished Jonathon refused to take money my dad offered. He wanted to give my father, a complete stranger, the gift of finishing the job. 

This afternoon I called Jonathon to thank him for stopping to help my dad.  I was disappointed he was not home. When he returns he will have a message with my phone number and a request to call. I want to speak to the man who not only may have saved my father’s life but who selflessly gave his time to help a complete stranger.  I want Mr. Jonathon Keller of Marshall, Texas to know he is an angel, to me and my dad.

I have always disliked heights. So recently while visiting my parents I was tested. 

They live in the eastern part of Texas where humidity causes mold to grow on the underside of the eves and front porch of their house.  The only thing on my dad’s list of things I could help him with was to rid his painted siding of the mold.  I loaded a pump sprayer with a bleach mixture, carefully placed the ladder against the house, and began to climb. 

Reaching the top I bravely hoisted the sprayer onto the roof and carefully put one foot in front of the other, often crouching down as low as possible, as I slowly made my way to the top. Once at the peak I looked down and felt a flash of fear. Then I saw my father, looking small as he stood on the ground watching me.  Seeing him, my fear was replaced with determination. He needed me to do this.  No matter how stinky the bleach, or how hot the roof, or how my eyes stung when the wind caught the spray and sent it back into my face, I carried on. 

When I was finished I felt a great sense of accomplishment. While I am not ready for a career change to high-rise window washer or roofer, the next time I visit my parents I will climb back on their roof.  Doing so is the way to accept that while it is okay at times to be scared, it is not okay to allow fear to prevent us from doing what needs to be done to create our best life. That means it is necessary to face our fears head on so we learn that YES WE CAN!

I have not had the experience of serving on a jury. I have not been sequestered away from my family for weeks.  I have not been involuntarily thrust into a media and information vacuum. I have not been asked to wade through and make sense of mind-numbing and often contradictory laws and testimony. I have not been faced with having to listen and make sense of heart-wrenching and often contradictory evidence from both sides of a fence. And I have not been forced by judicial mandate to work cooperatively with a set of my peers to come to a decision that must by consensus both disappoint and please. 

No, I have not been asked to endure the psychological and emotional devastation that is the unavoidable fall-out of being a juror selected for a murder trial. 

One truth I have learned is that I do not have to walk in someone else’s shoes to know I do not want to follow in their footsteps. Another truth I have learned is that I would have to walk in their shoes to know for myself what mental and emotional hell going through such an ordeal is like.

 

One of the most challenging things about caring for others is accepting we CANNOT control or change anyone else but ourselves.  Our adult child is being abused in relationship, or faces jail time, or is hooked on drugs, or cannot keep a job, relationship, etc.  Yes, these things are hard to witness. And no, we cannot make their choices or live their life for them.

Each of us has our own journey in life. That means when we reach adulthood and we stumble we must choose to pick ourselves up. We cannot do that if someone is there to soften our fall or always pick us up. We do not learn, grow and make positive permanent changes if other people try to do our work for us.

It’s not easy to watch those we care for collapse under the weight of their negative choices. Sometimes we witness this over and over again. But we cannot “fix” someone. Unless that person wants to fix him/herself, our words will fall on deaf ears and a closed heart. 

What we can do is set boundaries to bring a higher level of awareness to the relationship we have with those who are hurting themselves and others.  We can focus our energy on staying centered and balanced so when the people we love decide to pick themselves up and change we are there to offer support. That is why it is called “tough love.” Yes, it is hard and yes, it is still love. 

Have you noticed when we tell ourselves we “can’t” do something it actually means we don’t want to? Deep down we know we need to leave an abusive relationship, or master ourselves to say in control of our behavior, or to set boundaries out of love for ourselves. Yes, we can do these things but by saying “I can’t” we actually mean we are afraid to take the actions necessary. We are fearful because we are familiar with our current situation, no matter how bad it is. It has become uncomfortably comfortable. We don’t want to change because we are frightened of how the situation will be if we actually go through by taking the action we know we must.

The absurdity of believing the ego-motivated fear “I can’t” is that we are intentionally preventing ourselves from creating the life we say we want. The actions we are fearful of taking are the exact ones that will end our suffering.

Yes, it takes courage, determination and faith. Yes, we must love ourselves more than we fear the unknown. Yet the hard truth is, we must earn our freedom from suffering and fear because a happy, peaceful and fulfilled life does not just happen. We must intentionally create it. We start the moment we stop telling ourselves “I can’t” and began the self-support of “Yes I can and I WILL find a way.”

One of the most important things I learned is that love is not blind. People showed me exactly who they were. Too often I preferred to see who I wanted them to be rather than who they really were, even when they continued to show me the worst of themselves.

Part of loving me was learning to see people’s behavior for the truth of what it really was rather than the fantasy I was creating and clinging to in the name of love. The first step was learning to see my behavior for what it really is too.