Author: Regina Cates

Recently a woman told me she can’t change her life because “‘it’s just too hard and much easier said than done.” Any of you who follow me regularly on my Facebook blog know how much I dislike these and other self-limiting “I can’t” phrases.

Regardless what we want to accomplish we MUST support ourselves and that requires us to remove self-limiting language. We stop and ask,’Why would we intentionally sabotage ourselves before we even get started by allowing ourselves to think whatever we want to accomplish is too hard or not actually possible for us?  We don’t!

I asked what actions she had taken. She said, “I haven’t taken any. I’ve only thought about it.” I asked, “Could it be that it only seems too hard or easier said than done because you have not DONE anything yet?”

Together we made a list of small action steps. Today she proudly informed me, “Regina it’s not true that it is too hard or easier said than done. When I actually started doing I realized I could and that put an end to my thinking I couldn’t. Taking action I now know I CAN. Even when I stumble, I CAN still get back up and move forward.”

I love when we realize we are our own powerful superhero agent of self-change.

To pick the oranges off my trees I must have a long extension ladder.  My neighbor down the street lets me use his so this morning I rang his doorbell.  His wife opened the door. There was no friendly hello that I’d become so accustomed to. She just opened the door and said, ‘Bill has stage four esophageal cancer. We just found out on Friday.’

I felt as if someone had hit me in the stomach. I could not speak and simply listened as Linda recounted their recent journey of discovery. When she finished I reached out and wrapped her tight in my arms. We hugged and said goodbye. I went around the back of their house to get the ladder. Soon I heard Bill from an upstairs window, ‘Regina, take the big one so you can get the juicy oranges at the top of the tree.’ ‘I will Bill and I’ll bring them back to you.’ He smile and waved.

I spent two hours picking oranges. After all of the ones at the bottom had been picked and divided into bags for about a dozen family, friends and neighbors I went back up the ladder. I reached as high as I could to pick the fattest and juiciest oranges from the very top of the tree.  I filled two bags and took them to Bill.  He said they were the best ever. I hope so, because I want my friend to have as many best evers as possible.

Life is going to suck at times but don’t let that suck the life out of you.

I have been waiting two days for the results of the biopsy on my left breast that my doctor performed on Wednesday.  Honestly, I have not been afraid.  I guess 57 years of learning I cannot know the unknowable, control the uncontrollable, or prevent the unpreventable has left me with a deep level of faith that I am strong enough to deal with whatever life brings.  I’ve also learned that worry is absolutely useless to making me feel better in any way.

My physician just called to say he will not know for sure until Monday afternoon. Regardless of the outcome I will prevail because I am truly dedicated to using the challenges in life to blossom. It is times like these when I get to walk my talk of being patient, peaceful, present and purposeful and that is what I am focused on now.

Today was a huge challenge.  I was hit from all directions with deadlines, emails, demands on my time and attention. I also faced the unpleasant but necessary task of initiating clear communication with a key member of my team.

I do not believe it is realistic to think our best life must be stress free or our relationships without miscommunication and challenge.  I do believe it is possible to remain balanced and calm when dealing with stress.

Yes, it took a lot of practice for me to stop reacting and start responding.  I purposefully had to teach myself to remain aware of my emotions so now at the first signs of stress I stop, take a few deep breaths, and allow time for me to calm down. Taking time to bring myself back to center allows me to respond in the best way possible and at the right time.

When you feel overwhelmed, stressed, angry, or face a tough relationship situation STOP, take a deep breath, and think before you speak. Think before you reply to an email or text.  Pull your emotions back and respond from a thoughtful and respectful place rather than react from wounded ego or personal pride.

Have you ever told someone in the morning that you want to talk with them when you get home from work and then say something like, “And, you’re not going to like what I have to say?” I have, until I realized saying something like that sets people up to be defensive and to spend the day thinking about how bad the conversation will be when you get home.

No matter how difficult it is to honestly and openly share what you must (hard conversations) with the people in your life, be respectful and think how it feels to be on the receiving end of your words before you say them. Put yourself in their position.  One reason relationships fail is due to a lack of clear, honest and respectful communication.

For your peace of mind and to come away from an exchange without regret, do your best to say what you must without anger, blame, or expectations of how your words will be received.  State your concerns then allow the other person to do the same. Listen carefully to what is being said without allowing your mind to think about what you are going to say in response.  We cannot form a response and listen at the same time. So really listen to the words of others with your heart and you will hear what the other person is saying.  Only when you have actually listened to what someone says can you form the best response.

This week remain mindful of what you say and how you say it.  Is what you say clear?  Do you give all of the information necessary to get your point across?  Are your words gentle and supportive, or harsh and reprimanding?  Do you listen to others with a quiet mind?

Your words define you, to yourself and to others. You are the one who is responsible for how your words either hurt or heal, are clear or confusing, supportive or derogatory.  Remember, the words you choose are powerful representations of how much you love and respect yourself, or not. The same is true of how you listen. Truly listening to another person is how you love and respect him or her too.

I went downstairs this afternoon to water my flowers to discover my hose has been stolen.  Last week someone took my other hose so maybe the same person returned to take my last hose and the hose reel.  I feel violated. I know it’s only a hose but they were my hoses.

There were times in my past when I stole things too – $20 out of my dad’s wallet, etc. But that was before I was emotionally responsible for my behavior. That is, I now purposefully stop to think how it feels to be on the receiving end of hurtful behavior. Once I woke up emotionally to care how it feels to be in the shoes of someone else, there is no way I would steal anything now. It feels bad and I do not want to cause anyone to feel like that.  I also now hold myself to a higher standard of moral and ethical behavior.

Yes, I was angry at first. But I have now forgiven the person(s) who took my hoses because there is nothing good for me that will come from wishing them ill will.  I can only hope they wake up someday soon, to care how their actions impact other people. For now they have reminded me how grateful I am to have learned the value of behaving responsibly and respectfully because that is worth the cost of a million hoses.

Everything I watch on television or in a movie adds something positive to my life. How can that be when there is so much negative in the media? No, I am not oblivious to the negative that goes on in the world. But when it comes to what I feed my mind and soul on a regular basis I intentionally choose positive.

Your thoughts create your behavior. Your behavior creates your life. Carefully choose what you allow into your mind and heart on a regular basis because what you focus on you create.  That means the more positive you put in to your mind and heart the more positive life will be.

Every success you achieve in life is the result of your being emotionally invested in the outcome to the point you actually make yourself take the actions necessary to realize the goal. You are the one in charge of your destiny.

There is a perception those who live a spiritual life are submissive and must turn the other cheek regardless how we are treated. While tolerance, patience, cooperation, forgiveness, and peacefulness are behaviors of living aligned with soul, so is standing up for what is right. To respectfully but firmly set boundaries is spiritually responsible because boundaries bring a higher level of awareness to the situation than that which created it in the first place.