Author: Regina Cates

As members of the human race, we all have one thing in common, and that is the desire to better our situation and improve our lives. For many, it’s far too easy to get sucked into the belief that we are limited, that our dreams are impossible and that the ‘good l ife’ wasn’t really meant for us in the first place.

Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we get caught up in the drama around us and forget who we are on a deeper level. We forget that we are Divine beings having a human experience.

But all it takes is one little spark of inspiration, and we can leave those fearful thoughts behind. Inspiration reminds us that we are not our problems, nor are we bound by our limiting beliefs.

When we are inspired, our spark inside turns into a flame and our lives and those around us are changed. We have the courage to step into the unknown and follow our dreams. We set aside our fears and move forward confidently to play bigger in the world and live the life of our dreams.

But how do we find such inspiration? It can be found almost anywhere, if we’re open to finding it. Perhaps it’s a walk in the woods, watching a child at play, enjoying the scent of a flower or gazing into the eyes of your beloved. Perhaps it’s as easy as reading something that reminds you what a powerful being you are and helps you step away from the story you’ve been telling yourself for so long.

Sometimes inspiration can hit us like a bolt of lightning, electrifying our ideas into action, and other times it’s the voice on a gentle breeze, nudging us to take the next baby step.

Regardless of how we find it, inspiration has the power to change the world. For with inspiration, whatever we can imagine becomes possible. Inspiration has the power to change a boring life into one of What if…?. It opens the floodgates to possibility, brings a smile to our face and adds a bounce to our step.

Want to improve your world? Make inspiration a daily part of your life and things will change. For this reason, I’d like to invite you to introduce you to a website that makes finding inspiration so easy for all of us. Each day, InspireMeToday.com features one Inspirational Luminary who answers the question, If today were your last day and you had only 500 words to leave to humanity, what have you learned that matters?

Imagine how different your world would be if you started each day with the wisdom learned from household names like Sir Richard Branson (Virgin) and Guy Laliberte (Cirque du Soleil) to thought leaders like Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul) and Marci Shimoff (The Secret). So far more than 1000 Luminaries have been featured, including me. That’s a lot of inspiration and I’m proud to be a part of it!

This daily wisdom takes but a minute to read, yet acts as a conscious reminder to that spark within each of us, rekindling our fire within. I invite you to read my inspiration on InspireMeToday.com and browse through the wisdom of more than 1000 other Inspirational Lu minaries, and watch the difference it makes in your life.

Remember, when we get caught up in our own stories and start to forget our own design as infinite beings, it is inspiration that turns the ordinary into extraordinary, fear into hope and the darkness into light. Inspiration reminds us that we are greater than we seem, and more resilient and powerful than we think. 

I spent much time alone as a child and young adult. But being alone was safer and felt better than being bullied.

One of countless instances I remember was when I was in fourth grade. A girl I did not even know slammed me up against the wall in the girl’s bathroom. I was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Later I learned she was being physically abused by her father.  She did not know how to release her pain and powerlessness other than do to others what was being done to her.

While it is said the greatest legacy we leave is children I believe there is a big difference in having a child and being a parent. The most important job we’ll ever have is taking the time and having the patience and love necessary to be the strict gatekeeper of what goes into children. No, we cannot control everything to which children are exposed. But we can do our best to remember that it is our behavior that our children watch.

To do our very best to most positively influence children we must stop passing the buck and own complete responsibility for the truth that it is our actions that teach. Whether that is discrimination, kindness, bullying, support, gossip, discretion, abuse, caring, dishonesty, loyalty, cruelty, or compassion they learn from us and from what we allow them to be exposed to. We must show children appropriate ways of dealing with anger, how to peacefully stand up for themselves and others, and how to be accepting of difference. To be able to show children we must first deal with our stuff so we do not pass it on to them.  That is what love does.

My mother-in-law turned 90 years old January 1, 2014. One of her great loves has always been gardening. She got tremendous satisfaction from digging in the dirt, trimming the hedges, planting flowers and pruning her trees. Over the past several years she’s begun to realize her days in the garden were numbered. Recently she said, “Gina, I’m depressed that I can’t get out and make my garden beautiful. I want to see pretty flowers, and just look at the trees and hedges, they need a good haircut.”

For almost ten years she and I have shared a love of gardening. So I relate to her distress at coming to the realization she is no longer physically able to do what she once did. At 57 I can relate in a way. I can’t do what I once did either. But I can still plant, and trim and prune.

Yesterday I spent 4 hours working hard to make her garden beautiful.  The weeds under her deck and in the flower beds are gone. The roses and shrubs are trimmed. Colorful flowers now fill the pots and beds. Her small deck and patio furniture have been scrubbed clean. And two hanging baskets of bright Million Bells now dominate her line of sight as she sits in her office chair.

“Oh Gina! How can I ever thank you,” she asked. “You just did,” I said giving her a big hug.  Often the best gifts of love we give are those that just take a little bit of time and a piece of our heart.

Over the course of my 57 years of life I did many things I am not proud of. For a long time I was miserable, focused on how I could somehow magically go back and undo the hurt and pain I caused myself and others. One day I realized it was not possible because what was done was done. With that aha my heart woke up and I decided that if I could not heal those people and situations I hurt then I would concentrate on doing my very best not to hurt anyone or anything again, including me.  Each day I am getting a little better.

While we cannot change our negative behavior of the past we certainly have the power to remain strong in the promise we make to ourselves to be our best in the present moment. Being in charge of our thoughts, words, and actions to create our best life stops the mind voices of regret that often consume us. Soon we are no longer haunted by “I should have behaved differently” and are filled with new memories of how we are behaving as our best now. This is the power we have to put as much distance between the unthinking old us and the thoughtful and caring person we are creating today.

Traffic jams and other delays are a frequent part of life. We do not receive the job we badly want and need. We realize we are in relationship with an abuser. We become conscious we are the one with a problem. The people and pets we love are sometimes taken away from us through illnesses or tragic accidents.

Relationships end. Our affection for another is not reciprocated. We slip and break an ankle. Our car is damaged by a hit-and-run driver. We lose our wallet or keys or our purse is stolen. Our luggage becomes lost or our flight is delayed or cancelled. We are diagnosed with cancer. Our parents become ill or their behavior radically changes. Someone is rude to us.

No amount of anger, yelling, worry, or desire for revenge changes what is real in the moment at hand. Only by accepting the present circumstance for what it is, rather than what we think it should, would, or could be, do we help ease the stress and upset that comes from the misconception we can control or change people and the uncontrollable and unchangeable situations of life.

When something happens in life that upsets your plans, take a deep breath. Slow down. Count to five. Relax into the truth that only by accepting what is real in the present can you take the necessary action to leave an abusive relationship. Or rebound from losing a job. Or seek help for an addiction. Or deal with an illness. Or appropriately honor the memory of a loved one.

Change begins when you accept what is, so you can begin to create what you want to be.

            I respect men who cry. For many years I never saw my father cry. He grew up in a society where real men didn’t cry – ever. I resented him for it. No, let’s be honest, I hated him for it.

Unable or unwilling to accept the vulnerability of expressing healthy emotion through tears made him an angry tyrant. He raged, snorted, and slammed around like a bull in a delicate china shop of two little girls and a scared wife.

“You’re too emotional,” he coldly said as tears streamed down my face at the cruel and horrific scenes of baby harp seals being beaten to death and the close up, slow motion images of prairie dogs being blown to smithereens in the documentaries my father watched on television in the 1960s.

Our big golden lab, Caesar, was terrified during a storm. He threw himself against the garage door or cowered in his doghouse and made pitiful sounds. It broke my heart to see him afraid. I understand how it felt to be frightened, with nowhere to hide and no one to comfort him. But my father threatened the belt if I let the pitiful dog into the garage or even went outside to be with him.

Once my father dragged me out of the shower because my mother had breakfast on the table and he thought I was taking too long. Later that day picking me up from school where I spent the entire day crying, “You’re too emotional” again felt like daggers into my heart.

My father stormed through life not giving a damn about the emotions of other living things. His temper tantrums, sarcastic remarks, and drunken hecklings at my youth softball games further confirmed he was a cold, cruel, uncontrolled, and unfeeling man.

Then one beautiful crisp autumn day all that changed – for good.  My father was hunting and knew he had fatally wounded a deer but could not find it.  Regardless of what an asshole he was to me, my sister, our mother, harp seals, prairie dogs, and our dog, he was a responsible hunter always using what he took from the natural world. It went against his values to just leave the deer so he searched for hours and hours without success. My father was so exhausted and upset he sat down on a log, buried his head in his hands and sobbed. I believe for the first time ever, or at least in many, many years.

We never know what life-event holds the potential to shake us to the core of our being.  The frustration and helplessness of killing that poor deer and not being able to find it cracked my father’s heart wide open. Years of stuffed emotion came pouring out and through the deer’s death my father was reborn.

From that day forward my dad has been a new man – one who does not hold back tears of sadness, joy or pain. He has a new-found respect and kindness for the natural world and all that call it home. My father is no longer concerned with what “real men” are supposed to do. He knows it takes Super-Men to accept that being gentle enough to express healthy emotion through tears is one of the strongest things they do.

While growing up, a friend of mine was used as a punching bag by his father. He was the daily target of his father’s misplaced rage, disappointment, lack of self-love and respect. His father felt victimized and inadequate. Instead of dealing with the reasons behind his pain he took that out on my friend.

Today my friend is a loving, peaceful, and thoughtful father. Long ago he made the deliberate choice not to be like his father. He chose to break the cycle of abuse. He did so by overcoming issues of abandonment, low self-esteem and not knowing what love is.  He did the personal work necessary to make certain he would not pass on pain to his children, other people, or living things. He wanted to be the father he never had and to teach his children by example what love really means.

Many of us grow up with abuse and misguided ideas of what love is. We are not taught how to express anger appropriately.  We are not shown by example how to solve our differences. We don’t learn that we cannot change anyone but ourselves. Too often we think love is control or ridicule. But, love is not controlling or any other negative behavior.

Love is expressed and received through positive behavior.  To really love our children we must first love ourselves. We must deal with our wounds so we do not pass our unresolved issues onto them. In order to show children how best to live, we must know appropriate ways of dealing with anger. We must know how to peacefully stand up for ourselves and others and how to be accepting of difference. We must know how to choose the people we have in our lives by the common values of appropriate behavior we share such as honestly, loyalty, compassion, trust, forgiveness, etc. We must have self-respect before we can teach others to respect themselves. We must refuse to gossip and ridicule ourselves so we do not talk negatively about others. We must have healthy self-esteem, patience with ourselves and others, and know positive ways to bounce back from disappointment and challenge. We must be able to say no and set boundaries against unacceptable behavior.

Yes, what we say is important. Words can hurt or heal. And, our actions teach others. So, we must care that children learn from everyone and everything they interact with, what they watch, what internet sites they visit, and what other influences they are exposed to.

Abuse, neglect, mistreatment, denigrating women, mixed messages, and judgmental/bigoted beliefs are NEVER love.  To be the change we want to see in the world, we must show children the best way to live. That means we must care deeply about what our behavior is teaching.

Recently I wrote an article for an on-line magazine for its spirituality section. Although the piece was about forgiveness and love, the editor wanted to put my photo in front of the word hate to accompany the article. After much discussion and protest on my part the photo was changed, but he did so begrudgingly.

One very huge thing bothered me about this that eluded the other party. I know every photo put on the internet stays on the internet forever.  The photo of me smiling with the word hate behind me would have gone out onto the internet without the accompanying article and would have stood alone without explanation.  People Googling my name would see photos of me and there would be my smiling face with the big word HATE behind me.

You may not remember, but I do, the negative impact a standalone photo had on a very young Jane Fonda when she held up a rifle in Vietnam during the war. A photo was snapped of her smiling face holding the rifle and to this day she is still thought by some a traitor.  And this was way before the internet.

To lead with our heart we use that wisdom and put ourselves in the position of others to determine, the best we can, how what we say and do will impact them.  We take time to determine the possible consequences of our actions before we act. And, we stand up and defend ourselves against those people who do not have the heart-awareness to be the higher, more loving and positive way of being.

Today, take time to evaluate what you put out on the internet.  Not from fear, but simply from the perspective of knowing it will be around forever.  Make certain you are proud of what you are saying and doing. And, make sure you are not allowing other people to have control over the image you are leaving in the world.

Someone is angry with me and yet he has, so far, not had the courage to tell me why.  Apparently something I did, that I am unaware of, made him mad. I’ve reached out asking for an explanation, for him to tell me what he thinks I did. I am willing to listen.  And I am willing to peacefully and respectfully talk through the situation so we can reach a point where we both feel comfortable again. But I am not being given the chance.

Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect. But both parties must respect themselves enough to want to deal with the negative that sometimes arises in relationship. When one person in the relationship is unwilling to honestly address issues he or she has, then the other person is left helpless to do anything to help resolve the discourse.

It is not easy being blamed for something that you are unaware of you did.  But when you have asked, when you are willing to do whatever it takes to heal the relationship, and you meet silence the only choice you have is to let go.  Have faith the truth will come out. When it does you can make amends if you have indeed wronged someone. Until then remember that you are showing your true nature by wanting to resolve the issue. And, the true nature of the other person is being revealed too.

I saw on the news about a high school basketball team who got together and agreed to turn over the ball to the opposing team so that one of the players could try and shoot a basket. The young man was mentally challenged and was put into the last game of the year by the coach.

I will never forget the roar of the crowd when the rival team gave the ball to the boy and he took the shot and miraculously made the basket. The stands emptied. The love in that high school gym was immense. And all who witnessed that game learned the truth of this.