Author: Regina Cates

We live in a world where it would be easy to hate those who hate. Yet any of us who have been on the receiving end of hate know dishing out what we get is not the behavior that creates our best life. Growing up I was hated by many people for being gay. This caused a deep, painful wounding within me. Today, I am still disliked by those who do not care to look beyond labels to find out who I am inside. We now have evidence of biological causes as science is helping us learn acceptance of sexual orientation difference. And, there are still those who react to my being gay with judgment and hate.

For many people it is easier to blindly follow what they are taught to believe by religion or family bias rather than consider the merit of scientific discovery and the advice we now receive from modern religious scholars to keep in mind the ancient societies in which these beliefs were created. Long ago I let go of the idea I can fight fire with fire and not expect to get burned. Therefore, I don’t hate the haters and I no longer allow the judgment of others to impact how I choose to view myself. I no longer loath myself for being born the way I am. I no longer wish I had been born different or feel I have to be someone other than who I am comfortable being just to appease others. Staying true to who I am in the midst of hate, judgment and attempts to change me, grew my self-respect and empathy because with a little self-assessment we realize each of us has, at one time or another, experienced ridicule for being “different.” That is reason enough for compassion.

Today, I know in my heart being gay is okay with the God of my belief, who is and will always be, love. I am also confident being judgmental, hateful and fearful is not okay with God.  While I cannot stop people from hating me or anyone else for that matter, I can work hard each day to be kind, compassionate, accepting and forgiving.  I am not perfect but I am devoted to living my best life because I am confident God cares more about me striving to be a person of good, respectful character than my being with Barbara instead of Bruce, Billy or Brian.

The truth is not everyone will like you. Some may even judge and hate you for being who you are. But if you respect yourself and you stay respectful of others, that is much more important than being liked.  Refuse to fight fire with fire. Don’t hate those who hate.

I do not have a list of New Year’s resolutions. For too many years I set myself up declaring all the things I was going to change about myself, yet did not stick with long enough to actually achieve the change I wanted. Then I would spend the next eleven and a half months beating myself up for not keeping the resolutions I made.

This year join me in breaking the habit of making a long list of resolutions. Let’s identify one thing to concentrate on, to make a consistent part of our new 2016 life-style. For example, let’s focus on cleaning up and maintaining clean spaces within our homes and outer environment.  Barbara and I do this often and feel a sense of peace and comfort in our home.  We highly encourage you to make decluttering your 2016 New Year’s resolution and suggest you get started by going from room to room.

Chose one room and pick up every object. Ask yourself how you are impacted by it. Does an item store unpleasant memories? If so doesn’t keeping it around make you feel uncomfortable? Taking an emotional inventory of your possessions shifts something inside you. Releasing many of your things will cause change in some long-held patterns about what really matters and makes you content.

Part of loving ourselves is caring about how our environment feels and looks. There is a deep sense of balance derived from taking time to organize and clean out closets, drawers, bookshelves, tabletops, the garage, storage unit and cabinets. We determine whether the items in our home have a purpose and a place. We give away, donate, recycle, or sell any excess. Through the effort of cleaning up our home, office, and car, we can dramatically lessen distractions and improve our sense of well-being, balance and inner peace.

Another advantage of cleaning up our homes is greater inner awareness and respect for our shared outdoor space. While we may have a home with a yard that we own or rent, the entire planet is our home and residence to billions of other people, animals and plant life. It is a heart-responsibility to care about how our actions impact the planet and delicate balance within the natural world.

Assessing and purging applies not only to our personal property but to the beautiful planet we call home. Take inventory of how you can properly dispose of paints, chemicals, printer cartridges, batteries, cell phones, computers, plastic bags and other things in your everyday life that can negatively impact the natural world. Let’s make our 2016 resolution to maintain clean spaces for everyone on the planet and all life that calls Earth home.  The small actions you and I take create win-wins for us all.

My partner Barbara began feeling bad late one Friday afternoon. Saturday she was worse.  By Sunday she was unable to swallow or talk without horrible pain. Monday morning she went to the doctor. He immediately sent her to a specialist who had to perform an emergency procedure that was excruciatingly painful. Neither doctor had a clue why Barbara’s tonsil became abscessed.  But it did, and almost overnight.

She was in such pain. It is so hard to watch the people we love suffer. And, for me who threw up while having my ears pierced, I am not the strongest around blood and other things that happen to our bodies when we get sick or injured.

I am happy to say I was there for her. It’s like some magical power took over and I was not fearful, I stayed calm and I did not faint or throw up.  No, I was a rock, even when I listened to each and every detail of what she had to go through so she could cry and let it go.

It is amazing what we can do when we have to. Love gives us super powers to rise to the occasion so we are there for those we care for. Yes, love is constant and has incredible powers to endure whatever it is called to do. Love does show up for the good as well as the bad.

I love the multicolored twinkling lights that adorn homes and offices. I adore the aroma of warm cookies and sweet treats baking. I get teary-eyed at the sounds of carolers as I am taken back to pleasant childhood memories of doing the same with my friends. I cherish the tinkling of the Salvation Army bell that reminds us of those less fortunate.

I like the confused look on my little dog’s face when I snap a photo of her in reindeer antlers. I love spending a week writing holiday cards, reinforcing my connection to treasured people in my life. I appreciate the Jewish tradition of lighting the Hanukkah Menorah for the Festival of Lights and the heart-based motivation behind the Christmas tradition of God-consciousness being birthed in the form of the man Jesus.

Yes, I love the reverence for spiritual enlightenment, festivities, fun, food and gatherings for the holidays. And I hate the consumerism that is so pervasive this time of year.

It used to be well past Thanksgiving before holiday ads started to appear. Now I am still roaming around in my Halloween vampire costume when the relentless assault begins. The twinkling lights, tinkling bells, and carolers are a mere whisper among the roar of ads for the countless “things” we should wrap up for our loved ones to show that we care.

When did what we buy become more important than standing by?  When did presents become more important than presence? When did “things” become the most important things?

I had to honestly ask myself these questions because there was a time when I had forgotten the reasons for the season and had almost drowned in debt. For too many years, I gave too many presents that were too big for my budget.

From an early age, I felt as if I was molded into being a holiday purchasing machine. I was constantly bombarded by product ads promising to make me and other people happy. I spent much of my life surrounding myself and others with things. So, I got used to whipping out the credit card, without caring how I was going to pay when the bill arrived. Nor did I stop to question if giving and receiving “things” was actually the way to joy or peace. Then one holiday season I had a life-changing “aha” while reading Charles Dickens’s classic novel A Christmas Carol.

When I first encountered Ebenezer Scrooge, I thought he was a despicable individual. He was rich and stingy, angry and miserable, seemingly without heart. He cared nothing for anyone except himself. Despising the poor and hungry, he was a cruel boss who forced poor Bob Cratchit, his ever-loyal employee, to work long hours in horrible conditions, paying him almost nothing.

Scrooge was a dastardly man, yet by the end of the tale he had become my hero. His complete transformation, from mean and miserly to kind and generous, left a deep and lasting impression on me.

The old Scrooge showed me that money, things, and power over others are not the source of joy and satisfaction. The enlightened Scrooge taught me that it is the heart connection we make with our fellow human beings and all life that creates joy and contentment in our lives. Scrooge helped me realize that to “keep up with the Joneses” or blindly follow the “gift giving” standard set for me by a global sales force was a shallow and irresponsible endeavor; one that did not align with the real reasons for the season.

Yes, the holidays are a time when we give and receive. And it pays to remember that the most precious gifts are those that cannot be purchased but come from our heart.

This holiday season, let’s make the conscious decision to make presence more important than presents. Let’s place greater value on standing by, than what we buy, those we love.  Let’s make our relationships the most important thing.

Let’s refuse to equate consumerism with love. Let’s remember that the true motivation behind the holidays is to extend kindness, patience, peace and generosity to friends, family, and our fellow human beings. Let’s remember those whose need is greater than our own. These are the real reasons for the season.

I was brought up in a fundamentalist Christian church in Texas. I was taught God is angry, vengeful and male. As a small child, God was scary and something to fear. But that did not make sense to my soul. So I decided to do my own research, because to me leaving limiting beliefs about the Divine unexamined is really limiting God.

Regardless of what other people wanted me to believe, it made sense if a supreme awareness initiated the events resulting in the creation of everything, then a part of that consciousness must reside in all human beings and in all that is alive.  This means, by design the original creative consciousness bestowed a spark of itself equally in both men and women. Judaism teaches every person (Jewish and non-Jewish) was created b’tzelem Elohim, which is Hebrew for “in God’s image.” For this reason, every person is equally important and has an infinite potential to do good in the world.

One indication a supreme consciousness was placed into male form by male authors and translators of the Christian Bible is found in the meaning of the word Jesus Christ used originally to address the Divine in the Lord’s Prayer. According to the monk Michael Green,

When Jesus lived he spoke Aramaic, an archaic language that frames matters of the Spirit more softly, and perhaps more appropriately, than the truncated Latin, German or English translations of the gospel that are now so much a part of our heritage. Biblical scholars inform us now that when the Son of Mary addressed the mystery of Godhead, the actual word Jesus used is ABWOOM, a term that has always been rendered for us as Our Father, but would be more properly understood as Our Mother-Father-All-in-All.

I hold a deep faith within my heart an infinite loving power exists. To me, it is one who gives birth to all, or our divine parent, or Radiance who shines through all that is. I believe it has no specific gender, race, or ethnicity. It does not exclusively endorse any one person, group of people, or particular set of religious beliefs.

These all-inclusive, positive, life-affirming values allow me to honor the divine spark of it equally in each human being regardless of gender, race, social status, position within society, or spiritual practice. Inclusive acceptance also fosters a deep appreciation for, and obligation to honor and protect, all animals and the natural world.

When we change our view to include the Divine in all life, we can see God in one another and in ourselves.  I believe accepting the Divine cannot be boxed into one form is the surrender necessary for ego to fall away and heart to take the lead. Only heart/soul, the home to our Divine spark, can foster an intimate relationship with the Divine, with ourselves and with all life.