Author: Regina Cates

Two of my neighbors have a long history of fighting with one another. Although they never get violent or even threaten each other physically, it still becomes uncomfortable for everyone in our small building when they start going at each other. Last night it happened again with door slamming and screaming. This morning one of them showed up at my door to vent. So I sat and listened.

In circumstances like this, when we are involuntarily pulled into someone’s difficulties, we can offer support without verbally supporting a particular side by simply listening without comment. The simple act of allowing someone to be heard without judgment often allows them to move on without our having to become involved, or to gossip, or to try to fix something that does not need our trying to fix it.

Please accept that you are making a huge difference in the lives of others simply by listening to them to understand. Just by letting someone know they matter you are being a positive influence.  By caring you are being an ambassador of love. And love is the most powerful force there is.

In the alcove of a storefront, close to the corner of Fairfax and Wilshire in Los Angeles, California, I sobbed in this homeless man’s arms. I did not know the man. Most likely I will not see him again. But I will not forget the moment our hearts touched in the intimate dance of raw truth: He lives on the street, and I, in a warm apartment.

Our exchange began when I commented on his dog. He smiled very proudly and said, “Yeah, she’s great. I’ve got her back and she’s got mine.”

As he spoke, he gently petted the dog. I reached into my wallet and took out all the money I had. Without counting or caring what he would do with it, I handed it to him.

He hesitantly took it. As our hands touched, my tears began. The man reached out, wrapped me in his arms and said, “It is okay. We’re okay out here. Thank you for caring.”

As I turned to leave, he said, “I love you.”

I looked him in the eyes and said, “I love you too.”

Until then I had never said “I love you,” to a complete stranger, someone I had just met and with whom I had exchanged only a few brief moments of conversation. However, when I spontaneously responded to the man with “I love you,” I meant it from the bottom of my heart and with every part of my being. There was no judgment. My soul was simply wide open, and the pure, honest emotion of caring deeply for the man came pouring out.

Love is who we are, when we allow ourselves to be it. 

Each of us experiences countless transformational moments in life. Occasions when we are given the opportunity to advance the ability we have, as soul, to let unconditional love move through us without allowing fear, judgment, or expectation to stop us.

This was one of my moments, and I took it. I saw him and his dog and could have passed them by. But I heard a voice in my heart say, See him and tell him he is seen!

My choice to listen to and act upon my heart’s compassion opened me to a lesson I was only able to learn with the willingness to experience the sincerity of our exchange. Holding the man and allowing him to hold me birthed a deep and profound understanding of what it means to be vulnerable to caring, without expectations or conditions. The kind of affection we want to experience. The depth of intimacy we long for. The magnificent feeling of being connected to unconditional love in ourselves and in another human being.

Isn’t the goal of all religions to teach us to love one another like we love ourselves?

Whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them. ~ Christianity

What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. ~ Judaism

Not one of you is a believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. ~ Islam

One should not behave towards others in a way which is disagreeable to oneself. ~ Hinduism

Hurt not others with that which pains yourself. ~ Buddhism

This is not a complete list, as I have only included the world’s top five religions. Yet the Golden Rule is the foundation for all other world religions too, and provides proof that God (whatever that energy is) was instrumental in the establishment of all religions.

In the exchange I had with the homeless man, I could have ignored the “heart-calling” I heard. In fact, if I had listened to and obeyed my fault-finding side, I would have kept on walking. The man was dirty and smelled bad. Maybe he would hurt or rob me. He should get a job. The dog might have had fleas. There were numerous fear-based excuses for why I should not stop.

Instead of giving in to judgmental excuses, though, I chose to follow my heart’s direction and act from nonjudgmental and unconditional acceptance. The soul I am did not care about the man’s tattered clothing, dirt, or body odor. Soul led me to hold him in my arms without scorn. Soul only cared about his kind spirit. In return, the soul he is accepted and returned my loving kindness.

I remember when I was young, my mother said, “We never know if someone we meet may be one of God’s angels.” My sweet, homeless man was an angel. He was God’s messenger of wisdom who taught me love is more than caring and affection for those closest to us.  And so was my angel friend John who lived on the streets for 25 years.

He and I spoke often. When Covid-19 hit and the restaurants in our neighborhood that usually fed him closed, my neighbors and I made food for him. John was not mentally ill. He did not want to go to a shelter because he said they were not safe. Our local post office allowed him to stay inside overnight. Often he was there when Pat was working alone. She told me she felt safe knowing John was there with her.

John was on the streets because of some bad life decisions he made. We never really discussed it and it didn’t matter because to me and everyone who met John he was just a kind neighborhood friend. John’s only wish was to go back east to tell his nieces and nephews not to make the same mistakes he had made. He never got to make that trip.

John passed away in December of last year. The last day I saw him was when I gave him a new sweater and pair of socks for Christmas.  He said, “Thank you so much for your kindness.”

I still miss him. We all miss John.  He, like the homeless man I hugged, are people who made my life better for having known them.

I don’t have the one magic bullet solution to the crisis of homelessness. I also don’t suggest you hug every homeless person you meet. What I am asking us to do is to lead with compassion rather than judgment. Let’s see the unhoused as fellow human beings. Let’s say hello, make eye contact, buy them a meal, do something to be the positive change in someone’s life. Because in my experience our lives are changed for the better too when we are ambassadors of God’s love.

As a spiritual teacher and author I regularly discuss topics we would prefer not to talk about. There are so many things we face in life that are painful, so our tendency is to run from them, try to ignore them, or sweep them under the rug, so to speak. But in my experience the hard, hurtful experiences we so want to avoid don’t just magically go away. We have to intentionally let them go by bravely talking about the hard to talk about.

Like how to forgive sexual abuse. I was eleven when a sixteen-year-old male babysitter sexually molested me. I was eighteen when a physician casually ordered his nurse to leave the room so he would be free to sexually molest me in private. I am far from alone. I am not proud to tell you the majority of women I know have either been sexually abused or know of people, women or men, who have been.

One of my women friends was sexually abused by her father between the ages of eight and eleven. Her mother knew about it and did nothing to stop it, because she was financially dependent on her husband and had been threatened to stay silent or lose the means to live.

Since her mother was frightened into being an unwilling accomplice to the sexual assault, my friend suffered the long-term effects of abandonment by both her parents. She struggled for years to cope with her horrible past. A history which, as a child, she had no power to prevent or change.

Because my friend was physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused as a child, she allowed herself to be mistreated in her adult years, either by other people or by hurting herself.  She developed posttraumatic stress disorder, an unhealthy relationship with food, was repeatedly admitted to psychiatric hospitals, and lived in fear and self-doubt.

And today she is enjoying a peaceful life because she chose to heal.

But how did she do it?

She chose to forgive.

Forgiving those who harmed her so horribly does not mean my friend accepted the negative treatment she endured as okay. She realized she did not deserve to be abused. She came to realize that forgiving means releasing the resentment she held because she believed her parents should have done better than they did. They did not, so she chose to do better in order to free herself of the resentment that was destroying her life.

Although memories of the abuse continue (we don’t forgive and magically forget) to surface she is no longer haunted by them. One of the reasons for her dramatic transformation is, my friend intentionally chose to move herself out of a victim mentality. It took effort and much self-love since for many years she ignored her negative behavior and how she allowed herself to be treated. She felt deserving of bad treatment because she was treated so terribly in the past.

One day she realized hurting herself or allowing pent up anger and self-loathing to abuse other people would never get back at the people who hurt her in the first place. Therefore, to heal, she chose to move on from her past by dropping the identification and behavior of being a “victim.”

Although not a religious person, she came to accept and depend on the powerful, kind, and forgiving force (soul) within her to provide the strength and willpower necessary to leave the abuse of her past in the past. She intentionally worked to master her mind with a mind of its own by learning to evaluate each of the negative memories from the perspective of being a witness rather than a victim.  And she taught herself to remain aware of her thoughts, to evaluate each, to determine if they are valuable, loving, kind, and self-supportive.

One of her most powerful realizations was understanding that if her parents could have done better they would have. If her mother and father had been in touch with their emotions they would have had empathy for her and would never have subjected her to abuse.  She came to know love does not abuse, use, or mistreat – ever.  My friend realized people who are hurting, hurt others, just as she had done.  She came to be aware of the truth, people who heal the pain of their abuse also choose not to pass their wounding onto others.  Out of self-love and respect they stop the cycle of abuse and refuse to hurt themselves and others.

These revelations gave her the power to forgive her father for the abuse and her mother for not protecting her.  Acknowledging she was powerless to prevent what happened to her, she also forgave herself for the misguided and self-destructive idea she should have or could have done something to avoid the cruelty. Realizing she could not have prevented the unpreventable or now change the unchangeable, she was able to release resentment over her powerlessness. Forgiveness allowed her to free herself of bitterness, anger, fear, and desire for revenge.

Forgiving allowed me to be free too.

Certainly my friend and I did not heal overnight. It took years of thoughtful and caring effort. However, when we realized people only do better when they emotionally know better, we began releasing resentment over our past. It was letting go of the bitterness we carried about how her parents, my babysitter, and the physician should not have done what they did that allowed us to speed up the healing process.

Regardless what happened to you, whether it was in the past or today, releasing resentment and what you think should or could have been is a key needed to unlock the door to your freedom. Freeing yourself of animosity is accepting the reality that once an action is done it cannot be undone.  No matter how much you may want someone to take back or own up to the harm they caused, they cannot change the past. Just as you cannot take back anything you have done to hurt yourself or others.

Suffering over the past does not allow you to live today. Planning to be free of anger and resentment someday prevents you from creating joy and fulfillment today. Now, today, is the only time to release the past, to have the best present, so you create a fulfilling future.

I promise, through my own healing experience and by working with abused people throughout the world, if you choose to respond to challenges by releasing anger over what happened to you in life, the need for revenge and restitution vanishes. Discharging resentment over what cannot be changed is a powerful action of self-love. Letting go of bitterness helps heal your emotional wounds so you do not take your pain out on those you say you love or on the strangers you meet each day. Releasing anger over what cannot be changed is truly the only way to take back your power from those who abused, judged, or ridiculed you.

For your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, and because you care for yourself, choose to let go of what you cannot control or change. Set healthy boundaries today. Do not allow yourself to be abused. You will not forget but you can cut the ties that bind you to your abuser. Start by thinking of forgiveness like rain. It cleanses and nourishes the earth. Forgiveness (letting go of resentment over what cannot be changed) will cleans and nourish your heart.

But we don’t think of ourselves in this way. We view ourselves as human beings with a soul. But what if we choose to engage in a spiritual paradigm shift and see ourselves, and other people, as “spiritual beings alive within a human body?” What would this positive shift in how we view ourselves and other people have on our daily interactions, our relationships, our faith?

Incredible, I believe.

Who we are and our reason for being is an age old question. Since the beginning of recorded time, humans have documented the search for the answer to who we are. How did the ancients comprehend themselves among the points of light in the night sky? Did they feel small surrounded by the majesty of the natural world?

The Greek sage Aristotle wanted to understand our reality and believed all people, by nature, desire to know. Over the centuries, countless scientists and philosophers continued the quest to discover our place in the universe and the meaning of life. Since the mid-twentieth century, physicists have worked on a Theory of Everything, a single formula to answer all of our big questions.

You and I are no different from the great pursuers of significant answers in our desire to truly be aware of ourselves. Each of us is hard-wired to examine and navigate the ever-growing realm of inner and outer discovery.  With each new achievement, we seem more certain of who we are.

We are physical beings capable of fantastic feats of strength and endurance. We are intellectual beings who create scientific, medical, and technological marvels. We are emotional beings with an extraordinary capacity for sensitivity.  We experience ourselves and our surroundings through the senses of sight, hearing, touch, smell, and taste.

In addition to the physical, emotional, and intellectual capacities and the senses by which we perceive stimuli originating from outside or inside our body, a higher wisdom exists within us. I have known it from my first memory.

I was two years old.  I was watching my newborn sister being carried by two nuns down a long sidewalk.  The tips of their hats flopped up and down in rhythm to their synchronized footsteps.  I was aware of each step, each sway of their robes as they moved closer and closer.  My senses were heightened. The sky was a magnificent deep blue.  Seagulls squawked overhead.  The air smelled like the sea. A cool breeze raised goose-bumps on my arm.

I watched expectantly from the back seat of our car as the nuns gently placed a bundle in my mother’s lap.  I peeked over the seat and saw a tiny pink face, eyes squeezed tight against the bright sunlight.

Unable to have children of their own, our parents adopted my sister and me.  Many important events in life have left crystal–clear memories within my heart, but none compares to the special day when my sister joined our family.  Awakened to the power of living in the present moment, I received a sister, and with an open heart I became conscious of all we are.

It took years for me to describe what actually happened on that day.  As a child, being present and open–hearted is natural. And, as children, we lack the ability to understand how special it is to remain open and present in the moment as we grow up.

I now realize that day was significant because I was aware of observing myself observing the world, its inhabitants, and my surroundings with a wide-eyed wonder.  Now, many years later, I am able to express the experience as simultaneously seeing myself clearly and feeling myself fully as both participant in and witness to life.  I became aware of a peaceful, present, and patient existence within my being. Connected to this part of my Self, I know we are spiritual beings.

Appreciating ourselves as soul within a human body requires a deep faith in what we cannot see.  We may never prove our soul’s existence with scientific, intellectual, or theological theories.  Attempting to prove soul’s existence with one’s intellect is like trying to see black holes in space.

“Is seeing black holes important?” asks Neil DeGrasse Tyson, an astrophysicist with the American Museum of Natural History.  “No.  What’s important is that we can see a black hole’s paw print.  We see them by observing the impressions they leave.”

Our spirit’s “paw print” is also clearly visible through the impressions we leave. When we give to others as we want to receive, when we listen to others as we want to be heard, and when we speak to everyone as we want to be spoken to, the wisest, most powerful part within us—spirit—permeates each cell, each breath, and each beat of our heart. Soul’s awareness surrounds us and fills us with love, which fuels our desire to live an ordinary life in the most extraordinary way by treating everyone and all life as we want to be treated. Living the Golden Rule is proof we are indeed spiritual beings on great human adventures.

According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, peruse means “to examine or consider with attention and in detail.” And dictionary.com says peruse means “to read through with thoroughness or care.”

Have you thought about what a difference it would make to your peace and joy if you actually perused life rather than skimming through it?

One day, I asked myself this question. Stressed and hurried, I felt disconnected from myself and life. Why was I constantly choosing to experience life as if I were a stone tossed out across a lake, touching down then skipping above the water, over and over? The moments when I was above the water, or the present, far outweighed the times I was immersed in whatever I was doing.

When I consciously slowed down, I became introspective. I asked myself, “Regina, if you are not devoted to patiently immersing yourself fully in the here and now, how is it possible for you to actually enjoy life? Where is the satisfaction in allowing your thoughts to fantasize about a future event, rather than staying present to listen closely to a friend? What joy do you receive from letting your thoughts return you to a past situation, instead of patiently remaining present to thoroughly read and comprehend an e-mail from a relative? Why waste time wanting a traffic jam to be different?”

The past is no longer a real moment in time that we can influence or change. The past only holds memories of our life as it was. Returning to fond memories brings us great joy, but the past officially ended the instant we stepped from then into now.

We cannot go back in time to change the choices we made. Reflecting on the past and our previous choices is the way we learn. Allowing our mind to dwell on what we think should have, would have, or could have been takes our attention away from the present. Only in the present is it possible to apply what we learned from the past and create a better outcome for the moment that is now.

The same is true of the future. Regardless of how badly we may want the future to come, we cannot rush ahead and live in a time that does not yet exist. The future is not real; it is only the next moment’s present, over and over, infinitely.

Permitting our mind to race ahead and attach itself to worries of what may happen disconnects us from the present, the only time possible to purposefully get ready for a future event. Living a fulfilled life requires us to patiently surrender to the truth: Life is only real now.

There are 1,440 minutes in each day. Each minute is dear. Once it is spent, there is no way to receive a refund. We cannot purchase more. We cannot press pause on life to resume it at a more convenient time. Time is not a resource to be wasted, killed, or allowed to fly away from us without our being aware of where it went.

Each moment of life is a gift to be cherished. Slow down. Take time to smell all the roses you can in life. Take time to watch the sun rise or set. Take time to patiently listen to others to understand them. The peace and happiness you want is found by living at a pace where you take notice of and appreciate that life is actually made up of the smallest of details.

Which is a truth that is important to my mom, and to me.

My mom, Jean, is almost 98 years old. She is well-read, prides herself on keeping up with current events, and at her advanced age remains sharp as a tack. Mom lives in Little Rock, Arkansas, and I am in Los Angeles, California. We don’t get to see one another in person very often, but we speak daily by phone. Yesterday in our talk she seemed rather upset. I asked what was wrong, thinking she was sick or something was up with my Dad. But I was way off. “I didn’t know who Alex Jones is. Why in the world haven’t I heard about him before? He’s a horrible, hate-filled person.” She said.

I assured her the most likely explanation for her lack of awareness about the big man with a fat mouth is that she does not swim with the bottom-feeders that flock to his hate-filled and truth-absent radio program, The Alex Jones Show, or visit his conspiracy theory– and fake news–filled website, InfoWars.

Jones is an American conservative (whatever that means now?), alt-right, and far-right radio show host and prominent conspiracy theorist who provides a platform and support for white nationalists. The conspiracy theories Jones promoted alleged that the United States government either concealed information about or outright falsified the 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary School mass shooting, the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing, the September 11th attacks, and the 1969 moon landing.

The Boston Marathon bombing in 2013, according to Jones, was staged by the FBI.

The shooting of Arizona congresswoman Gabby Giffords in 2011 was a government mind- control operation.

The September 11th terrorist attacks were an inside job.

Alex Jones’s abuse of his right to free speech has almost single-handedly helped mainstream conspiracy theories become part of American life. And when it came to the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre, Jones’s idea of “free speech” made the lives of the parents of the children killed a living hell. They received death threats from many of his cowardly, zombie-like followers, who, without thought or conscience, devoured and acted upon Jones’s hate-filled rants.

In an act of bravery, Scarlett Lewis and Neil Heslin, the parents of 6-year-old Jesse Lewis, who died in the elementary school massacre, sued Jones for the mental anguish his lies about Sandy Hook caused. Recently the jury ordered Jones to pay $49.3 million in damages to the couple. Finally, Jones’s lack of understanding or concern that hate speech is not free speech is catching up to him.

Good! There are many more like him who also need to face a similar come-to-Jesus moment.

Each day we are exposed to people like Jones whose dishonorable, hate-filled character is seen by some as a perverted notion of success. Pseudo-intellectual radio, Internet, and social media influencers and television hosts pander hatred, fear, and divisiveness. They advocate misogyny, racism, homophobia, authoritarianism, and anti-immigrant sentiment. They manufacture disinformation, false narratives, and infotainment propaganda that are not fact-based argument but emotionally powerful fiction. These experts of manipulation are listened to, idolized, and supported by millions of people who call themselves “Christians,” along with politicians, and paid advertisers who peddle their wares on platforms that promote evil as if it were “good.”

Public figures like Jones, who trash-talk, lie, and incite violence, are addicted to the artificial attention they get and to the appeal of having influence and power over others. These deceivers — vendors of disinformation, confusion, and imaginary facts — offer preposterous concepts to gain attention or vilify a perceived enemy, but nothing of value to an enlightened, responsible society. Nothing positive is added to our society when we reward people with fame, influence, or power for pandering hate, disinformation, and divisiveness.

Intimidation and vilification of those perceived to be opponents have become widespread. As citizens, we hold much responsibility for that. Without raising a unified voice to demonize these practices (bullying, sarcasm, character assassination, cruelty, lying, disinformation, etc.) within our sphere of influence, we have allowed negativity and denigration of others to seep into every part of life. The epidemic of disrespect throughout our social, political, entertainment, and even religious environments should be embarrassing to all of us who care that being responsible for our words and actions is a badge of honor and sign of true success as a human being.

To be the solution to this evil, we cannot wait for a jury to award millions to another victim of a Jones wannabe. We must do all we can to prevent others from falling victim to hate speech. Whether those we stand up for are poll workers, children, or ourselves, we must rise and fight back against this epidemic of dangerous irresponsibility!

We are not without power in our homes, our schools, our churches, and our communities. We must refuse to sit by, ignoring the real danger our silence has to perpetuate this damaging behavior.

We can be the solution and join together to shout, loud and proud, “Hate speech is not free speech!”

Although we may live in a free country and have a constitutional right to the freedom of speech, we must be responsible for the truth that we are not entitled to voice, text, print, or post to social media whatever we want without regard to the consequences of our actions. Actions without forethought and accountability are not free. There are always consequences, as our free will comes with a great amount of personal responsibility. It’s only by being accountable for our actions that we maintain our integrity as we navigate social systems that often encourage pushing boundaries to intolerable, ridiculous, and dangerous extremes.

We can create a safe, respectful atmosphere far from people like Jones by vilifying the ego-motivation behind all trash-talk. No matter the platform on which divisive speech is delivered, or by whom, we can turn this wickedness off. We can refuse to attend such rallies, social gatherings, coffee corner conversations, or church services. We can refuse to give our money to the businesses that pay for ad space on these platforms. We can vigilantly monitor our children’s use of social media. We can keep in mind that purveyors of hate and disinformation actively recruit young people through both subtle and overt racist, sexist, and anti-Semitic messages. And rather than shame a child who repeats hateful language or ideas they learn from peers, the Internet, or social media, we can take the time to help them decode the harmful messages behind the memes, words, and posts.

It’s time we put on our superhero capes and actively, on a daily basis, confront the abuses of free speech we witness, whether in ourselves, from our family and friends, or from other people.  Together we can create a world where one benchmark for genuine success is accepting that the right to free speech comes with a huge amount of personal responsibility. Because when there are no supporters for people who lie, berate, slander, and tear others down, they will have no more influence in society and will cease to exist. And my mom, and all of us will rest easier.

Let’s get busy!

I realize it seems that so much is happening right now. We’re overwhelmed with countless opportunities for positive change. From the environment to how we treat each other and other forms of life, from rampant political corruption and global financial meltdowns to a seeming decline in social, decent, and honorable values, we are being forced to honestly examine issues that concern humanity’s future and well-being.

You and I can see the seemingly unending stream of negativity and conclude that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. You and I can also expend our precious life-energy assigning blame, arguing the issues, shunning accountability, jockeying for power, maintaining the status quo, dreading the end of the world, or focusing on fear and misery.

Or, we can choose to be part of the ever-growing, worldwide collective of people who grasp this moment in time as their best chance to positively and peacefully address challenging issues that will result in the evolution of our individual and shared consciousness. We stop waiting, arguing, and pointing the finger of blame outward. We courageously and responsibly spend our energy by being an active part of the solution to clean up our messes and protect our Earth home and all who inhabit it. We openly and candidly challenge ourselves to change “business as usual” in all aspects of life. We assume personal liability for doing what we can each day to be a catalyst of change and raise positivism from what appears, on the surface, to be a sea of negativity.

You and I can begin to manifest the change we desire by finding an area of interest that makes our heart sing, where our skills are a good fit for making a constructive contribution. Join those expending energy by honestly evaluating the effectiveness and efficiency of our political and judicial systems. Become personally involved at the local level to ensure the best education for all children, to help reduce illiteracy, and equip them to deal with the issues we are leaving to their attention. Join a local environmental group and clean up our parks, cities, rivers, lakes, and streams. Assist in educating your community about recycling. Work with local animal shelters to bring the benefits of spaying, neutering, and adoption to our cities. Get involved to end hunger and homelessness. Serve as a mentor to an “at risk” child.

At home, remain aware of what you allow into your mind and heart as entertainment. Search out programming that inspires your intellect and supports the positive values you desire to see in yourself, your children, and our society. Send television and movie decision-makers incentives to develop positive, inspirational, and intelligent programming by turning off anything that insults your intellect or offends your values.

Seek impeccable reporting from news organizations you consult. Research the facts regarding current issues, rather than accepting editorial opinion and hearsay as truth. The time has come to use our brain.

Remember that beyond what advertisers want you to believe about what they think you want from life, the most valuable things are having family and friends, great relationships, enough to eat, a roof over your head, a healthy body, clean water, clean air, a healthy planet, healthy pets, and, foremost, living from the heart. These values are shared by countless people throughout the world. So, encourage others to live in alignment with what is truly important by no longer allowing media and advertisers to tell you what is valuable.

Scrutinize the organizations you entrust to foster your spirituality. Have the courage to question and move away from any organization or doctrine that perpetuates abuse, control, and fear or assigns responsibility for self-centered situations to something outside of you. Separate yourself from and stop supporting anybody whose personal agenda incites hate, negativity, blame, control, discrimination, ridicule, or rationalizations of those behaviors.

We are at a pivotal point in our development. The time has come to grow more connected to our wise, helpful, and intuitive heart. This is the part of us with the patience, discernment, and innovation necessary to help us have the best relationship with others, avoid problems, make life easier, and find the best solutions to what we face.

To motivate this part of us, we need to step away from the familiar and into the vast unknown of limitless positive possibility within our heart. We are not here to wonder what the future may hold. We are here to create the future we want, moment by moment, day by day. We have the ability to be the positive change agent we desire. We stop apathetically waiting for someone else to go first. There are no other people to go first. We are it. The time has come for us to become involved.

Our world is magnificently beautiful. Without a healthy Earth, we do not exist. It is not responsible to wait for some body of “knowledgeable people” to fix what is wrong with our planet. You and I must be the ones to take action.

There is no government, policy, or law that can effect greater change than you and I doing our part each day. Let’s promise one another to care about the impact each of our personal actions has on Mother Earth. Let’s join forces and clean up what we can of our planet. Together we will make a huge difference. You and I are the answer!

Let’s begin by viewing challenges as opportunities to make positive changes. Let’s agree there is nothing gained by continuing to view each other and what we individually and collectively face through a negative perspective. Let’s accept there is no one responsible for coming to our rescue. Let’s stop the self-deception that any group or governmental body operates on the enlightened level necessary to solve our problems for us.

We are capable of cleaning up our messes. We are best qualified to educate our children, stop overpopulating the planet, stop overfishing our oceans, end a dependency on environmentally destructive fuels, and accomplish any of the other items on our universal to-do list. Let us have faith that when the majority of us courageously lead the way in demanding a higher standard of responsibility from ourselves, the desire to rise to the higher standard will become prevalent.

You and I do have something vital to offer. We do have power to initiate positive change. The small actions we take daily do make a difference and will bring about the change we all desire.

We are the solution!

I’ve lived in Texas, Alabama, Georgia, and Missouri. In those places in the United States we had lots of rain or snow each year.

But for almost twenty years now, I’ve lived in California.

Like many places in the southwestern part of the U.S., we’re in the midst of a very bad drought. We’ve been told to severely cut back on the amount of water we use for outdoor plants, grass, and trees.

My neighbors and I love our plants, grass, and trees. They add beauty, shade, and peacefulness to our apartment buildings. So we decided to join forces to save our green spaces.

We’ve gone back in our history to find an old solution to solve a different problem: a bucket brigade, originally used to fight fires, can now be used to save water.

Several hundred years ago, “bucket brigades” consisted of two lines of people stretching from the town well to the fire. People passed buckets of water to those at the fire, and sent the empty buckets back to the well to be refilled. Later, with the invention of the hand pump, bucket brigades were used to keep the pump filled with water.

Thanks to the History of Fire-fighting article on the Merrimack (New Hampshire) Fire and Rescue website, I learned that in the early days, most fire companies were volunteer or privately operated. Fire-fighting equipment in the colonies was rudimentary at best. Leather buckets, hooks and chains, swabs, ladders, and archaic pumps were the tools of the trade in the early days.

Fire buckets in colonial towns had the owners’ names painted on them. Laws often required residents to purchase them and keep them in repair. In the 1680s in New York, the number of buckets a home or business needed was determined by the assessed fire risk. A baker was required to have three buckets on hand and a brewer had to have six in case of fire.

Firefighting finally got an edge with the invention of the hand pump, or hand tub. The foreman of each pump company would use a large “speaking trumpet” to give orders and urge his crew on.

As we know today, a bucket brigade was certainly not the best solution to fight fires back in the 1600s. But it’s the solution they had at the time. And the old technology of a bucket brigade can be put to good use in the 21st century to fight a different problem.

To save as much water as possible, my neighbors and I keep a bucket in our showers to catch the clean water that flows out while we wait for the water to get warm. We also keep one in our kitchen sinks to catch the non-soapy water from washing vegetables and fruit, or water that has been used to boil corn or steam vegetables.

This practice is allowing each of us to contribute many gallons each week to water our outdoor plants and grass and to keep a birdbath filled for our feathered and squirrel friends. We are making use of what we already have to help keep our shared green spaces alive while also adhering to water regulations. It gives us great satisfaction to know we are doing something to be the positive change we want to see.

It’s a small thing all of us can do to help conserve clean water, one of the most precious resources we have. So let’s join forces.

You can use a bucket and do the same. Even if you live somewhere that is not experiencing a drought, every drop of water everywhere is precious.

Together we can lead with our heart and use the old bucket brigade idea to help solve a different problem.

“Hey Giorgio, the peanut butter box is here,” says Ralph, a huge St. Bernard who is looking out the window when he excitedly calls for his little Chihuahua buddy to hurry over. They live together in a home with a large picture window that gives them a view of their owner’s porch and front yard.

Tiny Giorgio jumps up onto the stool by the window and looks out. He sees that a box has been delivered from Chewy.com.

Big Ralph knows that soon after a box like this arrives, their owner gives them peanut butter. So he thinks it’s a peanut butter box. But little Giorgio patiently explains that the box contains their flea and tick medication, which their owner will give them later with peanut butter. Despite the explanation, Ralph still considers it a “peanut butter box.”

If you live within delivery range of the online pet store Chewy.com, you may have seen their very popular commercial, “The Peanut Butter Box Is Here.” It rivals the touching Clydesdales ads during the Super Bowl. It’s one of my favorite commercials ever. So clever and cute, and the title — “The Peanut Butter Box Is Here” — is a phrase I catch myself singing to my dog Ruby when I coat her medications in peanut butter.

Go ahead and admit it, pet parents, you sing it too.

It’s such a warm and fuzzy (pun intended) commercial. And, in addition to being clever and cute, I find the exchange between Ralph and Giorgio a lesson in how we often only see what we want to see and don’t consider there may be a bigger picture to what we see. Like big Ralph’s focus on the “peanut butter box,” while Giorgio sees the box but goes beyond to acknowledge the flea and tick medications that are inside.

How often do you and I focus on only one aspect of what is in reality a much bigger picture?

For example, we see someone (partner, politician, preacher, etc.) as who we want them to be rather than who their behavior tells us they really are.

A friend of mine has an unmarried adult daughter who became pregnant. My friend felt no stigma around her daughter’s pregnancy; however, she had a problem with her daughter’s boyfriend, who psychologically tormented, manipulated, and was disrespectful to her daughter. She also had difficulty with his mother, who defended her son’s abuse.

The daughter also excused the boyfriend, saying she loved him. She refused to listen to her mother or sister, both of whom asked her to see the man for what his repeated behavior revealed was the truth of his character. Their words fell on deaf ears, because her infatuation with her boyfriend was blind. She did not want to see beyond the box of her infatuation.

But doesn’t infatuation see what it wants to see? Limiting our overall view?

With every fight, the daughter complained about how badly her boyfriend treated her. Each time, her mother and sister reasserted she had to end the relationship. The young woman repeatedly refused to let the man go. But my friend looked beyond her daughter’s infatuation.

She knew the young man’s abusive treatment of her daughter was not love. In this case, my friend exercised a tough-love option. Since her daughter lived with her, she asked her daughter to leave her home. My friend knows love is always positive, even when it seems to act in the opposite way to stop enabling negative behavior. She knew as long as she allowed her daughter to stay, the young woman had a place to return after each mistreatment and argument.

When this option was removed, her daughter was faced with a choice. Either continue to take and excuse the man’s abuse (see what she wanted to see) or begin to care for herself and admit she was being treated unacceptably. This was a choice only she could make. No matter how much my friend loves (cares for) her, even as her mother, she was still powerless to change the behavior, perception, or self-esteem of her daughter.

After living with her boyfriend, my friend’s daughter had a change of heart. She finally saw beyond the box of her infatuation to admit how she allowed herself to be mistreated by her boyfriend and his mother.

Over the course of life, I’ve learned the boxes we create about people, situations, and belief are bigger than we often allow ourselves to admit. Take the idea of what God is.

We are told what God is, but the truth is, we really don’t know. We see what we have been told to see, often without opening the box of belief to expand our understanding. Yet, if we were to take a drinking straw and look up into the night sky through it, we would see about 10,000 stars within the tiny circumference. Multiply the objects in that small space by the entire night sky and the number of stars, planets, and universes is beyond comprehension.

How can God be put into a specific box of gender, form, religion, or set of beliefs?

Wouldn’t an out-of-the-box, expansive view of God be the universal acceptance necessary for us to stop fighting one another over God, our differences, and religion?

I believe so. Likewise, imagine the kinder world we will create when we expand our view of other people beyond the tiny box of a preconceived idea.

One time my uncle’s car broke down on a sparsely populated stretch of two-lane highway. This happened long before cell phones, and he was stuck in the middle of nowhere. He had to depend on the off chance that someone would come along.

After a while he heard a soft buzzing that sounded like a swarm of bees heading in his direction. As the noise grew louder, he watched the horizon. Soon a group of motorcycle riders crested the hill.

Even though my uncle had not personally encountered bikers before, he was terrified at the sight of them. He had formed a critical conclusion of motorcycle riders from others’ opinions and harbored a preconceived idea that they were all dangerous. He feared they would rob and possibly harm him. With nowhere to hide, he felt completely helpless as he watched them approach.

I’ve known several tattooed biker guys with scraggly beards, do-rags, and wallets on chains, and I realize how they might seem ominous. Yet, I know from experience that we cannot accurately measure the true character of any person or group of people based on a stereotype.

Most of the motorcyclists waved as they passed by my uncle. Two riders stopped and politely asked if they could be of help. They discovered the problem and repaired it, and soon my uncle was back on the road with a new perspective on people who ride motorcycles.

From partners, to God, to stereotypes, every day in many ways, we are presented with opportunities to get outside the box of limiting belief and expand our perspective.

It’s something that Giorgio and Ralph remind me to do. And of course, they also remind me to smile and take pleasure in the little things. Like how delicious I also find peanut butter to be.

I’m gay and that’s okay with God. But my being gay is not okay to many Christians who proclaim to love Jesus who told us to “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Including those who attend The Door Christian Fellowship, a nondenominational church in McAllen, Texas, that performed the Broadway musical Hamilton on August 5th and 6th with edited lines to reference Jesus Christ, according to viral footage of the production circulated over social media. A sermon was also added to the production in which a speaker likened homosexuality to drug addiction, alcoholism, and financial struggles.

The specific homophobic line added to the play was: “Maybe you struggle with alcohol, with drugs – with homosexuality – maybe you struggle with other things in your life, your finances, whatever, God can help you tonight. He wants to forgive you for your sins.”

As you can imagine, Lin-Manuel Miranda (Hamilton scandal) is not pleased his 2016 Pulitzer Prize­–winning play was altered to include words of religious judgment against members of the LGBTQ2+ community and those who struggle with addiction or other life challenges. I’m not happy either, because this sort of hate-filled misinformation about gays and those deemed to be “other,” “less than,” and “sinners” is widely spread by people who twist their distorted religious ideas of an omnipotent being to press agendas of inequality, control, and prejudice. It is always some “other,” like me, who is the focus of pretend “Christians,” those who don’t consider, or care, what Jesus would say to them if he were sitting in the pew.

I knew I was gay around age five. I cannot tell you how I knew so young. Yet it is not uncommon for some gay, bi-sexual, and transgender people to know at such an early age. Naturally, being gay was a secret I kept as long as possible. I dared not tell anyone. I knew exactly what would happen. In church, and within society, it was made clear how much my kind was despised and feared.

At age eighteen, I could no longer deny who I was and I told my parents. With the intention of changing me, they sent me to a physician who sexually molested me. Then I was locked in a psychiatric hospital because they thought I was depressed. Sure, I was depressed. I had just been sexually violated and the two people who were supposed to love me, like Jesus would, told me I was going to hell and had broken their hearts.

Sadly, my parents’ Christian religious experience taught them to detest gay people, while at the same time they had to make sense of contradictory messages, such as Thou shall not judge and Treat people as you want to be treated. So when I confessed my big secret, they faced their worst nightmare, too.

I am certain they believed their motivation was love. Maybe they wanted me to be viewed as “normal,” whatever that meant. Possibly they believed changing me to heterosexual would save my soul and I would be free from eternal hell-fire and damnation.

I am also convinced my parents desired to escape being ridiculed and shunned themselves if my secret got out. Their words to me, “You’re a business risk,” and I ought to “Go live at the Y.W.C.A.,” revealed their concern about how my being gay would look to their business associates, friends, and church congregation.

There is a happy ending to this part of my story, as Mom and Dad are now two of my biggest fans and best friends. Faced with the truth of who I was born to be, they eventually came to a place of unconditional love by bravely questioning their beliefs. When they did, they found love to be stronger than fear. What other people and the Church think of me is no longer important to them, as they know my integrity through the honesty, kindness, and responsibility of my words and actions.

But there remain countless numbers of people who proclaim a devotion to a loving and inclusive “Christ” who point the finger of blame outward, rather than turn the mirror of honest assessment around to ask themselves: “If I don’t listen to the stories of those impacted, or care that my beliefs wound people, isn’t this living in a consequence-free ivory tower of self-righteousness?”

A Bible teacher at my parents’ church lectured the class about how gays are worse than drug addicts. I mean no offense to anyone challenged with addiction; I am only saying I know well the commonness of religious prejudice and the ignorance of those who attempt to compare biologically determined sexuality with substance addiction. This self-righteousness and holier-than-thou hubris have allowed many “Christians” to abuse me in the name of their God. I have been spit on, verbally accosted, and physically threatened by those who use their dogmatic beliefs to defend their egocentric and spiritually ignorant hatred of my being different.

Here’s the truth: I am gay and that is okay with God. Yes, even though there are seven “clobber” verses in the Bible about same-sex relations. We all need to fast-forward to the 21st century and remember, Biblical times were light-years different from our own time. Anyone, anywhere, who represents Jesus or professes to follow him, has the soul-advancing duty to educate themselves about ancient beliefs that were the basis for Bible verses that continue to be used today to shape and defend Christians’ judgmental view of homosexuality.

The Religious right is wrong about me. No matter what is written in ancient texts, people who profess to be “Christ-ian” — the religion founded in Christ’s name — have the spiritual responsibility to Jesus, to God, and to their fellow human beings to challenge any and all hurtful beliefs. Pushing against the status quo is exactly what Jesus himself did. Questioning beliefs such as homosexuality is sinful, or a choice, or an addiction, is spiritually prudent, particularly since science now provides evidence for biological and environmental causes.

The people at the Door Christian Fellowship in south Texas and countless others on the religious right need to open their heart to who Jesus actually was. They need to update their understanding of the Christ who taught us to love our neighbor as ourselves. They need to accept the world has transformed in countless ways since Jesus’ era. Yesterday’s knowledge, understanding, and technology always yield to todays. Jesus would not want us to ignore scientific discoveries about human sexuality, vaccines, the environment, and so much more.

Modern science and research matter if we want to expand our understanding. We can’t simply deny science when it conflicts with a religious belief.  It is these conflicts that give us the opportunity to learn and grow. Sure, questioning long-held, generational religious indoctrination is challenging work. But to deny scientific indications that human sexuality is genetic and biological, yet accept other scientific evidence that personally validates us or a loved one, is hypocritical, illogical, and self-serving thinking.

Do we believe Jesus was hypocritical, illogical, or self-serving?

I am gay. As Lady Gaga says, “Yes, we are born this way.” Sexuality is not a choice we make or something we learn. But hatred is learned. Prejudice is learned. Abuse of religion is learned. Using Jesus’ name to justify hatred and prejudice is learned.

To be right with Jesus, the Church and all who profess to love him should be the solution and teach all children, by example, how to walk in his footsteps. One way to do so is to show children how to distance themselves from the bullies and religious extremists of the world. We must refuse to allow our children, and ourselves, to be influenced by people who mistreat and persecute others, including those who do so in the name of God. We must bravely defy bullying and exclusive behavior wherever it arises, in order to courageously side with a supportive and inclusive Jesus.

That means those who profess to love Jesus must truly act as he would and get up and walk out of red-hot preaching, or any religious service or political rally where leaders or their followers defend the hatred of our brothers and sisters who are LGBTQ2+. Or where they denigrate believers of different religious faiths. Or women and girls. Or those of any other race than theirs. Or they use their influence to press biased political agendas that limit people’s human rights. Or they lie to us. Or they steal from us.

What if everyone who identifies as Christian, or as a fan of Jesus, courageously moves themselves out of atmospheres of irresponsibility, hate, and disinformation? 

How many “Christians” unfolded their angel wings and got up and walked out of the Door Christian Fellowship’s performance of Hamilton? None, I suspect, but I don’t know.

What I do know is that Jesus, Lin-Manuel Miranda, and I would have unfolded our angel wings. We would have joined hands stood up, walked out, and made it very clear to the religious right they are wrong about me. Jesus would tell them they are wrong about who he was – an ambassador of inclusive and non-judgmental love. He would say the Bible and their judgmental religious beliefs should never be used as a weapon against anyone when he was an ambassador of love.