Author: Regina Cates

Money does not make you rich, character does. There are lots of poor people who are absolutely wealthy in character. You cannot buy a reputation for being a person of good character. It is earned by being a respectful, kind and responsible. You are truly wealthy when you accept the greatest legacy you will ever leave is choosing how well you live.

Be genuinely grateful for what you have in life and tearing up the list of what you do not have will be gratifying. Attitude is everything. Have an attitude of lack, and life will be a never-ending search for the next “thing” to fill the holes within your heart. An attitude of gratitude magically plugs those holes.

Treating other people as you want to be treated does not mean waiting for them to go first. Leaders lead by “being the change they want to see.” Frustration, anger and disappointment come from waiting for others to go first.

You cannot change anyone other than yourself. When you change yourself for the better, the world changes for the better because your positive actions influence those who see your behavior. That is why changed people change people, without trying. They lead change by example.

Every soul is whole no matter how wounded the human being. No matter how low you have gone in life, there is wisdom and strength within you that will get you successfully to the other side. The key is to accept you are not your problems. You are bigger than any challenge you face.

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Five teenagers in Michigan, ranging in age from fifteen to seventeen years, thought it was a good idea to hurl several rocks, including a six pound boulder, off an interstate overpass into traffic below. They thought it would be a great prank.

The rocks damaged several cars but the six pound boulder killed a man who was returning home from work, leaving his five year old daughter without a father.

The young men were denied bail. They were charged as adults with second degree murder. They could spend many years in prison.

My heart breaks when I hear of tragedies like this. My heart breaks for the man who was killed, his daughter, and all who knew him. And my heart also breaks for the five young men, their families, friends, and all who know them.

They are young people whose lives lay out before them and they, as a group, chose to make a very stupid and thoughtless mistake that tore apart the lives of so many.

No matter how small our actions, you and I have the responsibility to think before we act. We have the responsibility to ask, “If I do this, what could be the possible outcome?”  We have the spiritual responsibility to care how our actions and words will impact ourselves and others.

God gave us free will. God also gave us a big heart so we can feel what it will be like to be on the receiving end of our behavior. It is always wise to consult our heart, the only part of us capable of putting ourselves in the position of others, before we do something that will change our life and the lives of others, forever.

I was walking behind a man who was smoking a cigarette. When finished, he flicked it high into the air, aiming for the street I guess. In an odd twist of circumstance the wind caught the still lit butt, sending it back over his shoulder and into my face, leaving a small burn on my right cheek.

He did not look back to see where his cigarette landed. I brushed myself off, crushed out the burning cigarette, and put it into a nearby ashtray on top of a public trash can.

I smoked for twenty-two years. There were many times I threw the butts out without thinking about the consequences of my actions. Did I ever burn anyone? Did I start a fire on the roadside? Did someone ever step barefooted on a still lit cigarette of mine? Did a toddler ever pick up one I threw out? Who did pick up my tossed out butts?

I understand what it is like to behave without thinking about the consequences of my actions. I am grateful for the day I accepted the behavior I put out eventually comes back to me in one form or another. That was the day I began caring how my actions impact me and how they may impact someone else.

The interesting thing is we are ones who benefit most from caring about our behavior. Other people may never know how our remaining self-aware of our actions benefits them but it never fails that we feel FANTASTIC about ourselves from choosing to do the responsible thing.

I have two fathers. One was my biological father who got my 13 year old mother pregnant. She gave me up for adoption then out of guilt married him and they had four more children.  I met him once along with my biological mother, brothers and sisters.  It was not a pleasant experience. He was a gruff man who I later learned frequently threatened the children with a gun and was often physical and verbally violent.

My other father is the man who raised me. Jean and Reagan Cates could not have biological children but they badly wanted little ones to share life with. So they adopted my sister, Rachel, and me.

I remember when mom told me. I was about five years old and we were sitting on the kitchen floor in our little house on Mistletoe Street in Victoria, Texas. She said I was deeply wanted and loved. So much so that she flew all the way from Victoria to Plainview, Texas to get me. I don’t think there was a time in life when I did not feel like their child just because we lacked a biological connection. LOVE is not conditional. That is a lesson Jean and Reagan began teaching me at three days old when they gave me a home.

Very early in life I learned anyone can father a child. But not everyone can parent to raise a child so they feel loved, appreciated, respected and worthy as an individual and as a woman.

Although my dad, Reagan, is far from perfect just as I am not, he was and remains at the age of 94 a man who chose to learn how to be an excellent father.  I am honored to have been adopted by him and I am honored he is still alive for me to tell him how much I appreciate him.

“Be a man.” God only knows how many times I’ve heard this. To all the boys and men, my dad and two older brothers, and to that particular young woman I briefly (actually not briefly enough) dated in college, who tried to impart their infinite wisdom about manliness on me, I say, “thanks, but no thanks.”

Men, it’s been said over and over again how we’re the best, the strongest, and oh, so powerful, and so, very, very important and, uhhh, great—don’t forget great! But seriously, we just sound like a bunch of assholes, don’t we?

So here’s what I know. Being a man basically means being a kind and decent person who just happens to be male. Now truth be told, it’s not always easy to be a nice guy—my wife would gladly offer her long list detailing all of my particular faults to prove it. But guys, I think our greatness actually shows up when we’re able to take that deep down hard look at ourselves and ask “who am I, and how do I want to be in this life?”

This passage from the book “Rules for a Knight” by Ethan Hawke has been helpful to me—check it out: Rule VIII, Honesty~ “A DISHONEST tongue and a dishonest mind waste time, and therefore waste our lives. We are here to grow, and the truth is the water, the light, and the soil from which we rise. The armor of falsehood is subtly wrought out of the darkness and hides us not only from others but from our own soul.”

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Although we may live in a free country, and have a constitutional right to the freedom of speech, we are not entitled to say whatever we want without caring about the consequences of our actions. Freedom of speech does not mean we are free to do what we want, say what we want, text what we want, post to social media what we want, without regard to the consequences of our actions. Action without accountability is not free. There are always consequences!

As ambassadors of love we accept extensive personal freedom requires us to operate at the highest levels of personal integrity. Doing so maintains our integrity as we navigate within social systems that often allow and encourage pushing acceptable boundaries to intolerable and ridiculous extremes.

The idea it is suitable to act without caring about short- and long-term consequences is completely egotistical, motivated by the impatience, immaturity, and thoughtlessness of self-centered ego.  Ego is not interested in treating others as we want to be treated.  Only heart cares what Jesus would do.

When I spend very much time thinking about these questions, I immediately recognize that the 2^nd question is a result or consequence of the first.  How I see myself, my identity, and my vision for manhood will directly impact how I treat all others, including women. How I think about myself and my responsibilities is projected into all my relationships.  My treatment of others is a reflection of how I think.

A friend of mine once pointed out that in the movie scenes of my life, I’m in every scene and of course I’m going to think life is about me and how I feel.  If I think everything is about me and my feelings, I will project this “self-focus” into how I act as a man and how I treat others.  I will get angry because I didn’t get what I wanted and someone owes me more respect that I was shown.  I will get jealous because someone got something that I didn’t.  I become greedy because what I have is mine and all mine. I feel guilty because I didn’t do what I thought I should and now I owe someone something. Attitudes of anger, jealousy, greed, and guilt are all reflections of how I see myself in light of others around me. My experience and observation is that this is not healthy, for myself or others.

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Love is gentle.

Love is respectful.

Love is truthful.

Love is committed.

Love is patient.

Love is cooperative.

Love is loyal.

Love is forgiving.

Love is honest.

Love is peaceful.

Love is kind.

Love is responsible.

Love is compassionate.

Love is thoughtful.

Love is happy.

You and I create the most amazing life when we live as love in action.

By Caleb Moody

Yes, loving my wife introduced me to my inner woman, and it’s made me more of a man.

I grew up in Texas during the 80s.  The husband/wife dynamics modeled for me both in my own family and in the culture I grew up in were very traditional.  Men would chat and watch football, women would cook in the kitchen and serve food.  Each member seemed to be in somewhat separate worlds which didn’t often overlap.

As I grew into adolescence and began forming my own ideas about relationships, I remember realizing that I wasn’t looking for someone to wait on me, to wash my laundry, to buy my clothes.  I didn’t want a motherly subordinate, I wanted a strong independent person who would challenge me and walk with me through our life together as an equal partner.

I remember so vividly the day I met my wife. We met at a garage sale.  Along

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Through e-mail, I agreed to pick up and return my friend Katherine to the airport. Two weeks before her arrival, something came up that required me to change plans for transporting her back to the airport. Still through e-mail, I assured her I would find someone to give her a ride back.

She arrived and I was at the airport to greet her. After some time together, I confirmed I was unable to give her a ride back to the airport. The news came as a shock. Nothing I said could convince my friend I had sent a second e-mail two weeks earlier; she thought I was lying.

It was not easy, but the truth was that no matter how much I wanted validation from Katherine, there was absolutely nothing to be gained by arguing with her. Leading with our heart is caring more for friendship than pride, so I chose to let go of my ego’s need to be recognized as right. I did not want to be angry with her, nor did I want our time together to be uncomfortable. The only option I saw to ensure peace of mind was to be patient, accept what was, and allow the situation to resolve itself.

A few weeks after my friend returned home, she was having repairs made to her computer when several mysteriously lost e-mails arrived in her in-box. Among them was the one I had sent.

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