Growing up, I was taught I had to love God and other people first. But no one ever told me what that actually looked like. No one ever answered my question, “How can I love something or someone else if I do not love me?” Even as a child, that logic did not feel right – it simply did not make sense that I could give what was not within me. And, what does love mean anyway? To me it seemed to be more about control, judgment, telling me how I was wrong.
One day I realized what I had been taught to believe about loving others first was not actually possible. Yes, love is affection and caring and love is positive behavior like compassion, forgiveness, patience, responsibility, honesty, loyalty, etc. So unless I was compassionate with myself first it was not possible to be compassionate with others. Unless I forgave myself first it was not possible to forgive others. The same is true for all the behaviors of love.
By questioning the illogical notion that I had to love others before myself I came to the realization love has to begin with me. Unless I love myself it is impossible to give love to anything or anyone else. I would only be going through the motions but without genuine emotional and spiritual connectedness to the feelings. That is when I realized loving me first is not selfish, as I was taught to believe, but spiritually responsible. Today I believe God is love. So by loving myself first I am being love and that to me is what loving God looks like.
This week, focus on the self-loving action of questioning yourself about what you were taught to believe about love. Challenge the fantasy of what television, movies and media say love is. Challenge any notion that love must be given to others before you love yourself.
One of the most important spiritual realizations is accepting that because you are taught to believe something does not make it true. And because you are taught not to believe something does not make if false. Lead with your higher wisdom and take charge of questioning beliefs that do not align with the positive, inclusive, and supportive behaviors of your heart because it is changing your view that changes you.
